fine and dandy

We have a large feild near our house where we walk with our dog Cara.
It changes through the seasons and I have been loving that the mud has dried and we can go in without wellies.
Its largely green grass and has sporadic patches that glow yellow with dandelions.
These will soon give way to lots of buttercups and then some poppies will sprout - if last years cycle is anything to go by.

As we walk through rachel loves to go and gather handfuls of dandelions and give me a big bunch as a present.
They're so bright and cheery and given with such enthusiasm I take them home and put them in a vase.

Rach tried to give some other people dandelions and they refused to take them. "Disgusting" "Look she's giving me pee-the-beds". I can't help but think the Scottish terminology for dandelions as "pee-the-beds" has added to their demise as a pleasant plant to have around, but really? Do people actually believe the old wives tail that they make you urinate at night if you pick them? I have to inform you that I picked one yesterday and my sheets were dry this morning.

I can understand that no-one wants them growing in their lawn and they propagate annoyingly fast but why hate it so much? I have to admit that I felt a mild dislike when Rach first started picking them but when I stopped to try and work out why I actually couldnt come up with a good reason. So I am on a mission to enjoy the beauty of the humble dandelion - to champion its beauty and to dispel the myths. We need to open our eyes to the hidden things of beauty. See the world through the eyes of a child.

Project 40 - epic fail

When I was trying to think of what to do for lent this year - or whether should actually do anything - I found myself thinking what the whole thing was about.
Heaven knows I need to develop some self-discipline and lent has always been a good time to try that. When I was younger I had masses of self-discipline and could give things up just by deciding I would.
As I've grown up I seem to have grown, well, lazy. I make real excuses for myself and now the world is less black and white it doesn't matter so much if I break that resolution does it?

This year was different.
I didn't want to have a whole 40days of focusing on me...of thinking about my love of chocloate/tv/other thing I wish I didn't like.
But I did want to think more about Easter and what is a really special time to me.
So #project40 was born.
It was partially born out of my admiration for my friend Karen's #project365 and the amazing photos she took every day of last year.
So I decided to start taking a photo a day for the 40days of lent. Each one a reminder of spring or Easter.

It started well and I loved having to think of easter every day. Of trying to find signs of it in the world around me.
Here are some of the shots.


This was my first butterfly sighting. I love butterflies and was reminded of the glass butterfly given to me by a friend who has died. She had told me she got it to remind me that "God is lovingly changing me into something beautiful".


Rach was giving it millions dancing at granny's house and didnt seem to tire at all. It reminded of that song "I could dance 100miles because of your great love" - what is my response to the amazing love shown to me at easter?

One of the hardest parts of project40 was putting the pics on twitter. I was enjoying taking them but my pride struggled with the vulnerability of sharing them.
Because of this, and more largely because of my lazyness, the project dwindled. It became sporadic and then stopped.

So here I am at Easter. I tried but I failed.
I'm disappointed in myself. I have to recognise that I'm not all I thought I was.
Noone that follows me on twitter has even mentioned that I've stopped or asked why. Maybe they assume I am embarrassed. They'd be right. javascript:void(0)

It's the Saturday between Good Friday (when Jesus died) and Easter Sunday (when Jesus was raised again) and to be sitting in a shamed, embarrassed, disappointed heap seems to be fitting.
Being a little less prideful and a little more accepting of my humanity and imperfections is the best place to be - I'm ready to accept grace. Ready to feel loved and accepted and to realise that is nothing to do with me, my achievements, my success or my ability to post 40 photos :)

Maybe I'll go back to giving up chocolate next year.

prayer of confession

For all those occasions when we choose to get by so that we will not be challenged beyond familiar comforts, when we use money without thought so as not to take responsibility for its power, when we fill time so that we will not hear the call to intimacy,
forgive us, O God, and have mercy.

When we indulge in negativity so as not to acknowledge that we have choice,
when we listen continuously to others without sharing of ourselves,
when we pray from a distance so as not to risk involvement,
forgive us, O God, and have mercy.

When we opt for ordinariness so that we will not have to lead, when we acquiesce to fear so that we do not have to realise our potential, when we live focused on self so as to avoid commitment to community,
forgive us, O God, and have mercy.

When we do not deal with conflict so that we do not have to learn, when we are ungrateful or demanding and forget that all is gift, when we never relinquish control so as not to admit where we are broken,
forgive us, O God, and have mercy.

When we live as driven people and excuse our lack of peace, when we snap with anger because we did not attend to the body’s need for sleep, when we forget that our bodies are temples and not dumping grounds for waste,
forgive us, O God, and have mercy.

When we spread or listen to gossip so that we can manipulate to our advantage,
when we couldn’t be bothered getting involved but criticise those who do,
when we make no space for prayer yet have time for other things,
forgive us, O God, and have mercy. Amen.

Being Loving part deux

So i'm thinking i probably took most of you with me on the last post - being loving is the most important thing going.
Its not so hard to agree with - harder to live out I grant you.
I'll admit to you that I'm finding it hard, even with my "all we need is love" stance. Perhaps... because of it?? I'm finding I'm getting easily annoyed at folks who aren't loving. Why do people feel the need to tell others they're wrong in such a harsh way? to be unaccepting of people where they're at? to judge people on the silliest of things and count their worth on trivialities such as nationality,
I feel the frustration rising... it appears that I am intolerant of intolerance

Being Loving

i'm beginning to wonder if being loving is the most important thing in life.
Not success, not having lots of stuff, not being funny or pretty.
I find it a bit harder to think its more important than being wise or being right.
But thats where im getting to. So where does that leave searching for the truth?
Should I just not bother?

sharing

so it's been over a year since I committed any thoughts to blog. i have read lots of other peoples blogs and kept some pics up-to-date on Rach's blog but not really bothered with this one much.
Cara did indeed have puppies - 7 of them. Rach is now running around and learning new words. Im still at CH 2 days a week but with training and annual leave it feels like im hardly there at all. i enjoy it when i am though and am looking forward to getting back into it tomorrow.
I'd like to use this blog to share a bit more of my thoughts on life but theres a big part of me that doesnt want to share my innermost and heartfelt thoughts on this blog because I have no idea who's reading it. I guess thats silly because if Im embarrassed by my thoughts then they need to be changed not hidden. Still... not sure if i'm quite ready for that level of transparency so you will have to cope with the mundane and share-able information until I overcome myself.

not worth the wait

oh well... trees! i'm sure you have been anxiously awaiting to find out what was happening in gracemount huh?! ok maybe not - apologies for not blogging sooner to replace the boring picture. i've been busy. not hugely busy but enough to tire me out. i'm working 2 days a week at Cunningham House. Rachel is crawling really fast now and into everything (mainly things she shouldnt be!). Cara is hopefully pregnant after finding her a suitor and putting her through the most unnatural mating i've ever seen. i think she is - she's acting very weirdly and seems wider. Time will tell. Puppies due 1st june.
have lots of other things to tell you ... but i'm too tired sorry!
will try better next time