Project 40 - epic fail

When I was trying to think of what to do for lent this year - or whether should actually do anything - I found myself thinking what the whole thing was about.
Heaven knows I need to develop some self-discipline and lent has always been a good time to try that. When I was younger I had masses of self-discipline and could give things up just by deciding I would.
As I've grown up I seem to have grown, well, lazy. I make real excuses for myself and now the world is less black and white it doesn't matter so much if I break that resolution does it?

This year was different.
I didn't want to have a whole 40days of focusing on me...of thinking about my love of chocloate/tv/other thing I wish I didn't like.
But I did want to think more about Easter and what is a really special time to me.
So #project40 was born.
It was partially born out of my admiration for my friend Karen's #project365 and the amazing photos she took every day of last year.
So I decided to start taking a photo a day for the 40days of lent. Each one a reminder of spring or Easter.

It started well and I loved having to think of easter every day. Of trying to find signs of it in the world around me.
Here are some of the shots.


This was my first butterfly sighting. I love butterflies and was reminded of the glass butterfly given to me by a friend who has died. She had told me she got it to remind me that "God is lovingly changing me into something beautiful".


Rach was giving it millions dancing at granny's house and didnt seem to tire at all. It reminded of that song "I could dance 100miles because of your great love" - what is my response to the amazing love shown to me at easter?

One of the hardest parts of project40 was putting the pics on twitter. I was enjoying taking them but my pride struggled with the vulnerability of sharing them.
Because of this, and more largely because of my lazyness, the project dwindled. It became sporadic and then stopped.

So here I am at Easter. I tried but I failed.
I'm disappointed in myself. I have to recognise that I'm not all I thought I was.
Noone that follows me on twitter has even mentioned that I've stopped or asked why. Maybe they assume I am embarrassed. They'd be right. javascript:void(0)

It's the Saturday between Good Friday (when Jesus died) and Easter Sunday (when Jesus was raised again) and to be sitting in a shamed, embarrassed, disappointed heap seems to be fitting.
Being a little less prideful and a little more accepting of my humanity and imperfections is the best place to be - I'm ready to accept grace. Ready to feel loved and accepted and to realise that is nothing to do with me, my achievements, my success or my ability to post 40 photos :)

Maybe I'll go back to giving up chocolate next year.